You HAVE to talk to him about it. If he loves you, that won’t scare him away. If it does, he’s a shitty excuse for a partner, D/s or not. You have to be open and tell him not only what seems to trigger flashbacks but also when one is coming. I KNOW how terrifying they are, I do. And I know it feels like you’re the biggest burden in the world when they come on. But you have to talk to your partner and include them in things. It’s so very important to not take it all on yourself; there are two people involved in this.
That being said…think about what seems to be a common trigger for your flashbacks. Learn to recognize the symptoms of when one is coming on and either deliberately remove yourself from triggering stimuli—easier said than done sometimes, I know—or learn to distract yourself. This is so much easier and more effective with a partner to talk you through it but you can also do it on your own. When I start to feel one coming on, I change the subject. If it’s during a scene I change positions or activities and if it’s in normal everyday life I find someone to talk to as a distraction or I put in music. Going for walks might help. I usually find I want to talk to someone, have someone help me but my mouth is frozen and I get paralyzed. This is why it is SO important to have a partner who knows you, what you’re going through, and the warning signs of an oncoming flashback. Ryan is to the point where he can tell within seconds, even before I can get a word out, if I’m starting to feel like one’s coming on.
Something else that helps is what I call engaged distractions. When Ryan’s distracting me, he’ll make me talk to him. Simple things, like “describe the room we’re in. What do you see?” This makes me focus on something else, rather than when someone is just talking to you and you can still block them out.
You CAN do this on your own but darling, you really don’t have to. <3.Posted on March 1, 2014 at 11:02 PM
Maybe the best way to go about it is to lay all your cards on the table. Ask him if he still has feelings for you, and let him know that you’re very grateful for friendship and support in this…and if you know you’re hurting him, you should try to move away from that. There are other people you can meet who share your interest, and I know it’s scary but you have to remember that he is a person too.Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:22 PM
I know it can be scary to take the plunge and let someone in on your Little secret but I promise it isn’t impossible (: I find it’s easier to intergrate it into an already established relationship than trying to build a relationship around a shared kink, but that’s just me. If you’re intimidated by online dating/kink sites, try looking around your area or slowly working it into a relationship you already have. Online sites can sometimes be dangerous anyway, and certainly overwhelming at first.Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:20 PM
Congratulations :3Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:17 PM
That is NOT discipline. That is not safe. I know you love him, but this is a dangerous situation and I pray that you can find the strength to leave him, or at the very least TALK to him. He may be the dominant, but YOU are the one who chooses the limits. There is a time and a place for punishment and there is a time and a place for rough play. If it’s leaving lasting damage, scaring you when you DON’T want to be scared, or putting you in serious danger then you need to get out.
Take it from someone who escaped a potentially deadly “dominant” — If you feel something is going too far or your life is threatened it IS too far.
There are a lot of helpful resources online you can direct him to. The biggest thing is just to be very honest about what that dynamic means to you. Odds are if he cares about you he will at least give it a try. You never know until you try (: if you’re truly a Little at heart, I suspect there will always be a hole there if you don’t get to explore it in a safe, supportive environment.Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:09 PM
Communication is key. Talk to her about what, if anything, triggers her into flashbacks and stuff. Tread carefully and back off the second she starts to react negatively, but most importantly just talk about it. You obviously care about her and want her to be happy and safe in the relationship. Let her know you are there for her and want to make this dynamic a good one.Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Absolutely!!!! There’s NO rule that says you have to call your significant other “Daddy” and anyone who tells you so is wrong and doesn’t understand that it’s about love and emotion, not titles.Posted on January 20, 2014 at 7:04 PM
Absolutely!!! A Cg/l relationship like DD/lg is the same as any other relationship in that you CAN still do it if you’re battling a mental disorder or condition like depression. Any relationship can still exist in trying conditions like that, as long as there is communication and understanding. If you feel like your relationship is suffering or being hindered by it, try talking to your daddy about your insecurities. Let him know about how your depression affects you in your day and any way he might be able to help you. (For instance, I remind my daddy that when I’m depressed, I lash out and say things I don’t mean. He knows this and tries to remember to ignore what I’m saying in times like that so no hard feelings are had.) A relationship isn’t a fix-all for anything, but it should help not make it worse, and I promise if your daddy loves you as much as I’m sure he does he absolutely understands and loves you with all you have to give to the relationship. <3.
(I’m not thinking very straight right now so I hope this makes sense but basically…ABSOLUTELY you still can! I am, I know several others who are. You just have to work and talk the same way any relationship works.)
Then you need to leave. Right now. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and safe.Posted on August 9, 2013 at 5:30 PM